Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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