i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize