I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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