she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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