It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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