I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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