the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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