Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize