Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize