Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize