Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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