Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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