You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize