Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
COCAINE IS GR8
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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