PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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