I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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