Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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