you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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