i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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