I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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