no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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