Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I cannot find my penis.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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