she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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