So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
do nipples grow back?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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