My sheets look like a crime scene.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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