you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize