Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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