it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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