Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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