When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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