I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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