watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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