It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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