I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize