# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize