It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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