He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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