If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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