I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize