Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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