im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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