I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize