i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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