3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Jerry, you need to find god
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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