my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We got so high we made milksteak
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threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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