my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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