The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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