I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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