what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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