if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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